I know many people believe in Karma, others just think that life will throw you in the crapper and eventually fish you back out. Bad luck, Good luck.
I am more on the side of Karma then anything else. I believe there is an energy to life, and like energy tends to stay with its Kin. You spread good energy, you get good energy....you Spread bad, well, you get the picture.
My bad energy happened a little over 5 years ago. My divorce from my first husband was less then stellar and I have been trying to be better person ever since. It's by far my lowest life moment. I left with almost nothing, even left our dog.
She was the first dog I owned as an adult. She was fantastic and beautiful and loving. She was also apparently born with a fatal heart condition, and was sent to the Rainbow Bridge January 15, 2013.
And now, the dog that I have, Shion's half sister Lexi, has it too. Part of me knows that there was nothing I could have done differently, but part of me also thinks that the bad energy I had has come back around.
Lexi turns 5 on Valentines Day, Shion wasn't even 6 yet. I hope that we get a really good summer with her. I hope that I can explain to the kids what is going on.
I hope.....
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Friday, February 1, 2013
Life and Death
Life happens simply - Death does too.
I have had life inside me twice, and while the process is not really all that simple, life itself happens simply - it just IS.
One moment there is no existence of a thing - and in the next moment, something that never existed before is alive and is there.
I still marvel at Bubbie and Lil'bit - they never existed before...they weren't a thought, or a hope, or even pre-sketched design. In moments of love, they were created and just were, and are to this day.
I have also lost love ones in my life. Both of my grandmother's and just recently my father in law. And I realized that just as life simply is there.....death is life simply, not there.
In one moment a person existed, was, lived, breathed, laughed, and loved....and in the next moment, is not anymore. The road to death may not be pretty, or easy, or wanted, but that is a road we will all go down at some point. Yes, you memory will be there in the thoughts and hearts of those you leave behind, so your name and story will continue, but you...the person and body will not be there to create new ones.
I am not sure where this post is going really, only to say that.....life and death are that simple....at one point you never existed, and at one point, you won't exist again.
Maybe the secret of life is that between those two very simple moments you make every moment count. Life isn't really all that short, but its short enough that wasted time is a travesty that happens all the time.
I have had life inside me twice, and while the process is not really all that simple, life itself happens simply - it just IS.
One moment there is no existence of a thing - and in the next moment, something that never existed before is alive and is there.
I still marvel at Bubbie and Lil'bit - they never existed before...they weren't a thought, or a hope, or even pre-sketched design. In moments of love, they were created and just were, and are to this day.
I have also lost love ones in my life. Both of my grandmother's and just recently my father in law. And I realized that just as life simply is there.....death is life simply, not there.
In one moment a person existed, was, lived, breathed, laughed, and loved....and in the next moment, is not anymore. The road to death may not be pretty, or easy, or wanted, but that is a road we will all go down at some point. Yes, you memory will be there in the thoughts and hearts of those you leave behind, so your name and story will continue, but you...the person and body will not be there to create new ones.
I am not sure where this post is going really, only to say that.....life and death are that simple....at one point you never existed, and at one point, you won't exist again.
Maybe the secret of life is that between those two very simple moments you make every moment count. Life isn't really all that short, but its short enough that wasted time is a travesty that happens all the time.
My Mini Mental Breakdown
So, to say that 2013 has gotten off to a bad start would be an understatement. It really started in 2012 so I think it's safe to say I can blame 2012, but alas, technicalities.
I was informed in November 2012 that my job was being budgeted out and I would be, once again, without a job. They gratefully extended it to December 31st, so that was really nice of them. I loved that job, it was pretty easy and I could really grasp concepts and jobs before I got another one on my plate. I looked forward to actually being a part of the team and then WHAM.
My unemployment is less then a third of what I was bringing home a week, and now I have no idea how we are going to pay our bills, feed ourselves, and put gas in the car for Hubs to get to work.
Right before Christmas my father in law passed away. He had been sick for a really long time, so it was not really a surprise, but death is still sad no matter when and how it happens. The holidays were somber in our family and it put a final period to the year.
After Christmas both kids on separate occasions were in the ER for medical stuff. Our son Bubbie had a 105 temp, and daughter Lil'bit had a hard time breathing and apparently got croup. It was fun to say the least. Thankfully we were still on my insurance when this all went down.
From there we learned that my first dog I owned as an adult would have to be put down due to a hereditary heart disease. Our current dog is a half sister, and also has the disease. We are on a unknown timeline since we can not afford the ultrasound to tell us how far along the disease is.
The next fun thing was my husband's car accident. Thankfully it appears that everything is going our way on that, but who knows. The insurance company seems to be very accomodating so we are just going with the flow.
I then entered myself into a contest to get a bill paid, they called my name, I didnt hear it, and missed out on getting one of the credit cards paid off....with our current luck, I am not suprised at all.
All of this came to a head yesterday and I literally had a mini break down. I mean, it was a uncontrolable crying, sobing, kids giving me hugs, calling my mom and actually saying 'mommy' kind of break down. I know I scared her, I feel really bad about that.
Sometimes though, as an adult....you still need your mommy. So, what did I get out of all this? That no matter how good you are, no matter what you do to protect yourself from the bad, no matter how well you think you are prepared, at some point, you will have a mini-breakdown.
And that's ok. As long as you understand that its not the end of the world, that you will figure it out, and you will be ok - you can have mini-breakdowns if it helps you.
Ironically, my stepfather is the one that broke me out of it. "It didn't happen in a day, and it won't get fixed in a day"....and "just put everything in a pile, and start at the top".....I am not sure why it was him that brought such clearity, but does it really matter? He did, and there is, and its ON.
My husband loves me, my kids love me, my friends love me, and my family (for the most part) love me. What more do I need?
I was informed in November 2012 that my job was being budgeted out and I would be, once again, without a job. They gratefully extended it to December 31st, so that was really nice of them. I loved that job, it was pretty easy and I could really grasp concepts and jobs before I got another one on my plate. I looked forward to actually being a part of the team and then WHAM.
My unemployment is less then a third of what I was bringing home a week, and now I have no idea how we are going to pay our bills, feed ourselves, and put gas in the car for Hubs to get to work.
Right before Christmas my father in law passed away. He had been sick for a really long time, so it was not really a surprise, but death is still sad no matter when and how it happens. The holidays were somber in our family and it put a final period to the year.
After Christmas both kids on separate occasions were in the ER for medical stuff. Our son Bubbie had a 105 temp, and daughter Lil'bit had a hard time breathing and apparently got croup. It was fun to say the least. Thankfully we were still on my insurance when this all went down.
From there we learned that my first dog I owned as an adult would have to be put down due to a hereditary heart disease. Our current dog is a half sister, and also has the disease. We are on a unknown timeline since we can not afford the ultrasound to tell us how far along the disease is.
The next fun thing was my husband's car accident. Thankfully it appears that everything is going our way on that, but who knows. The insurance company seems to be very accomodating so we are just going with the flow.
I then entered myself into a contest to get a bill paid, they called my name, I didnt hear it, and missed out on getting one of the credit cards paid off....with our current luck, I am not suprised at all.
All of this came to a head yesterday and I literally had a mini break down. I mean, it was a uncontrolable crying, sobing, kids giving me hugs, calling my mom and actually saying 'mommy' kind of break down. I know I scared her, I feel really bad about that.
Sometimes though, as an adult....you still need your mommy. So, what did I get out of all this? That no matter how good you are, no matter what you do to protect yourself from the bad, no matter how well you think you are prepared, at some point, you will have a mini-breakdown.
And that's ok. As long as you understand that its not the end of the world, that you will figure it out, and you will be ok - you can have mini-breakdowns if it helps you.
Ironically, my stepfather is the one that broke me out of it. "It didn't happen in a day, and it won't get fixed in a day"....and "just put everything in a pile, and start at the top".....I am not sure why it was him that brought such clearity, but does it really matter? He did, and there is, and its ON.
My husband loves me, my kids love me, my friends love me, and my family (for the most part) love me. What more do I need?
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